Active Listening

Active listening is so important in any relationship and the truth is most people don’t truly listen to each other. When we practice active listening, we assure others that “I see you, what you have to say is important. You matter.” In order to effectively practice active listening, follow these steps:

• Use a talking stick (does not have to be a stick but must be a physical item).
• Let the person who is not leading the conversation have the stick first.
• Only the person with the stick can speak.
• When you have the stick speak for yourself, don’t try to guess what the other person is saying. No mind reading or making assumptions.
• Use short sentences so that the other person can reflect back to you what you have said.
• Avoid using words like always and never (terminal language) because it tends to escalate the disagreement.
• Use emotionally laden language like “I feel.”
• The person without the stick cannot defend self or rebut. Don’t get defensive.
• Keep your “but” out of it. In other words, don’t use the word “but.”
• Briefly reflect back to the person with the stick what they have said.
• Once the person with the stick feels listened to, then you can switch the speaker and reflective listener (pass the stick).

To learn more about active listening, check out Episode 5 of our podcast, Faith Based Mental Health.